Big Z’s back is a front for his lazyness!
Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano is lazy. Don’t believe me, ask him. The Big Z admits he’s lazy when it comes to his daily exercises, which he claims has contributed to his bad back. For the record, Zambrano went on the DL on August 8 with muscle spasms in his back. The 255 pound Zambrano doesn’t believe he’s fat, although he is of the opinion he would be much more physically fit if he were to lay off the snickers, do his nightly situps, and drop a few pounds. It’s one thing for a shlub like me, who sits in front of a computer all day, to avoid strenuous activity, but it’s nothing short of embarrassing when a major leaguer earning 15 million dollars a year refuses to condition himself properly because he’s lazy. Zambrano will receive 91.5 million dollars in his current contract which began in 2008 and runs through 2012. All the money is guaranteed, which is more than you can say about Zambrano’s weight. Zambrano also has a no-trade clause, so the Cubs would have to eat Zambrano’s contract if they wanted to trim some fat from their payroll by cutting him. Although Zambrano obviously doesn’t count calories, his doctors have told the Big Z he should count his situps, which Cubs fans shouldn’t count on. For 15 million dollars per season, it really is ashame Zambrano doesn’t attack his situps like he attacks watercoolers. Then again, aren’t we asking too much from a guy who earns only $288,461 per week?